Confusions of a grown up young man

Its been a quite while i wrote something. Its not that i didnt want to . It was mostly because there was nothing to write about. Most of the days were uneventful , from a blogging perspective. No Broken hearts, no new freindships, no new theories nothing.

But after a long long time to be exact 1yr i thought ok its time to start writing again.What to write about was the question? Then came a phone call from my friend about getting hitched invitation.Then another one , then another and when it stopped it was like 6 friends total are getting married. Whoa quite a huge number and very alarming.Alarming because most of them were my best friends. Crap ! the thought stuck i m getting older or these guys are getting married early. The thought was confusing as I have a sister (younger) whose marriage is fixed for now. Comparing to that age i am in pretty good shape. But these invitations all of them in my age ( thats the catch) called up to tell they are getting hitched to the permanent relationship wagon. Never in my life till now i wasnt bothered with my age. Mom keeps on telling me ur getting older check where you are going and also where you are now. What you are going to do for your life what plans. For all these i used to tell i m still young lot of time is left to decide. But now i m asking this questions to myself. Do i have time?? Am I still young( very young i meant).
After all these even mom is thinking to get me hitched.But luckly as my sis getting married shortly and they dont want to get double shock of conducting 2 seperate functions. So its likely to get delayed by 6 months to ayr. But in these times where time is flying at a speed of blink of an eye i think it will come very quickly. But am i ready ? My dream always was to find the girl by myself ( something i used to think a lot dont ask why ;) ). Its not that i am not able to find one. Problem is whoever i find gets married within 2 months. Its like this movie where the every girl who gets into a relationship gets married to someone else( forgot the name it is some lucky) . Actually the idea of me getting the girl was to know her better. Now a days marriages get done very fast. Very fast meaning in months time. And i dont feel that time is not enough. Atleast 6 months are needed. I make friends very slowly. Takes my own time decideing whether the subject is good or not. Most of my friends used to tell me the same. During the initial days of freindship i dont talk much. Once i crossed that line i m like your cannot make me stop talking kind of situation.I want to know whom i am going to marry from thier mouth not from thier father mother or not even thier friends. I can access a person pretty accurately if talk with them. Unless they are what we tell in malayalam padicha kallanmar( experinced cheats).Lets see who is there for me.

So now it seems we will be having more and more topics to discuss on. Welcome back Chandy .. Welcome back

Happy... A turmoil of a sad mind....

Happiness .. mm how can you explain that... ultimate dream of a living being or an escape from a melancholy mood...
As always sitting here in my room lazily without doing anything my friend pings me and asks me to read her blog... well i thought whatever its better than doing nothing .. I went about and read it.. the first parts where her usual stuff(i like that usual stuff ) .. Then something struck my mind.
"I always said I am happy for you,
But when I heard happiness
I was somehow caught with a lil sadneess"..

This brought a thought into my mind. What is happiness. How can you define it. How can you feel it. Well there is no clear cut answer. And above all how can you feel happiness for someone if you yourself dont know you are happy. This stream of words.. " I am happy for you " .. Does this really happen.. Do you feel happiness by seeing someone.. ( unless its a cute little baby who doesnt talk back but bites you occasionaly) ... i dont think so..truth is that you cant feel happy for someone... or sad... moreover it will be like we are happy if we are happy and we are sad if we are sad... But what is this happy.. its a expression of our mood , our mind , our body to make ourselves satisfied with something.. And all these its in our hands ... your mind, your body,your mood nothing is automatic or happens after putting some variable into a formula in your body.. its a ever changing equation which can be always been pointed to one answer happy/the good mood. I would say why been in a mood from which you will say you are sad and tries ways to come to happy.. why cant be you always be in the happy mode..
Its pretty simple. Why you have to become sad.. if something bad happens to you. And all these bad happens to you (99.99%) with you knowing something bad is going to happen. If you know that why you have to be sad and try ways to make it to a happy mood. Be in your mood and go forward.. It will work wonders..
I have seen people telling i m happy but i am sad... you arent either happy nor sad . You are in your mood.. you try to evaluate with others the weight of happiness.. A poor guy will see a rich guy how happy is he and he tries to be that happy which he will fail and be sad... Why cant we be happy in our sense..
And my dear friends dont ever say i am happy for you.. say always "be happy "

Dialouge - 1

Have a big heart for you.. But cant allow you to enter..
Have Feelings for you.. But wont share with you...
Have love for you.... But cant show it you...
I am sad... But i am happy ..

This is something someone told me....

I tried to understand it ..


I can allow you... But promise you will not leave..
I can share with you.. But promise you will be there forever..
I can show it you.. But promise you will be there always to see it...
I am sad .. But i cant show it you and make you sad...


Let me in .. I ll be there till I am alive
Let me take a share... I ll carry it for you...
Let me see ... I ll see till my heart is there...
Be happy ... because Love is way above all..


Still waiting for the reply for this...